Be the Best You 

Okay I kinda already touched on health stuff a couple posts ago, and trust me I’m not one to post all about my weight. But recently I’ve been battling inner demons a lot more. Ever since you’re little, people tell you everyone is unique and different. Whether it’s white, black, Mexican or Asian, we are all the same on the inside. But now a days, it seems like different is not ‘in’. As a girl, we see models plastered everywhere on everything. We look left, right, up or down and we see a gorgeous model with a thin figure and less than an ounce of fat on them. Today’s standards really get under my skin, and even though I hate to admit it they do get to me and make me think if I’m acceptable. A couple weeks ago, I saw a tweet that said something along the lines of girls who are over 130 lbs shouldn’t wear crop tops or yoga pants. Sure, kinda comical to everyone who read this outrageous tweet, but no doubt to the girls who are over that weight had their minds running. I was quite irritated at this tweet, even if it was just some skinny high schooler tweeting it. But it’s not only pesky tweets, it’s society. If you look up my height of 5’4 and 155lbs, you will find me in the “overweight” category. In fact, probably closer to the obese end of the scale. Hm, well that’s degrading even if you feel like you aren’t overweight. Standards are overrated, and I know how it feels to be a victim to the standards and social norm. Therefore, it has led me to throw those standards out the window. If a girl looks in shape and healthy, then more power to her. Some girls are healthy at 115 lbs and some are healthy at 160 lbs. It depends on how your body is built, but we shouldn’t be subjected to having to live up to this standard in order to be considered healthy.

Standards get to me, and something always does get to me when it comes to weight stuff. I am personally very self conscience of my body. Usually I wouldn’t say my weight, but for the sake of this post I did. I’m embarrassed of it, because when someone hears a weight of a girl over 140 the normal reaction is “oh… Jeez..”. Please, if I told you my weight, the reaction better not be that. 155 lbs and I am obviously nothing short of in shape. Even though I understand this, I always look to these Victoria’s Secret models just wanting to be more skinny. I look in the mirror and just wish areas would disappear. I look and always see the imperfections, and never the good sides of my body. My shoulders are huge, I have no butt whatsoever no matter how many squats I do. My thighs are huge because muscle but not very lady like. I like to think of myself as “compact”, a short stature but a lot of stuff packed into it. I tear my self down more than anyone ever will. Why can’t I just look like her?! Seriously, why can’t I have those hips and abs and that slim of a figure. I bounce between days that I am very proud of my body and days where I actually whole heartedly despise it. It’s not fun when you can’t love yourself. Going to the beach and not wanting to go in my bathing suit because of the way I look is not enjoyable. I am a college athlete and at the end of the day, I need to understand that this skin I’m in is perfect for me. If I was anything less than 155 lbs and playing college water polo, I’m sure I’d have a hard time not drowning to the opponents.  I’ve been working on accepting my body and loving it. And when I think of it, if I was 130 lbs I’d probably look sick or ill…

But to those who think anything over 130 lbs is considered “fat”, you are so wrong on so many levels. If you look at me, I don’t look fat. However, standards do set me in the overweight category. Standards add to girls being self conscious, degrading them silently. Screw standards, be the best you that you can be. I know that the best Hannah Holly I can be is a water polo player that is 155 lbs. I will make sure to rock my yoga pants 5 days a week and my crop tops in the summer because I can. No tweet or chart can tell me I shouldn’t wear this. You don’t have to have chiseled yoga abs or a thigh gap to be beautiful. Thigh gaps are for flamingos anyways. Be happy with your body and love it.  I read on Pinterest (where most of my wisdom comes from) “How will anyone ever love you if you can’t even love yourself?”. It made me think, and I realized how true this was. Know that someone would love to have your body no matter who you are and what size you are. I’ve had girls tell me they’d love to look like me and asked how I could hate my body. It makes me smile and be thankful for what I have. All in all, I’m starting to love my body. I’m 155 lbs of muscle (and some fluffy spots but that’s okay) and sass. I don’t have a six pack but that’s okay. No matter if you’re 115 or 170, forget the standards. If you look good and people think you look good, you are looking good. Forget those standards and start loving yourself!

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One thought on “Be the Best You 

  1. You are my hero. Thank you so much for this; It really warms my heart. Good luck to you on your journey to be the best version of you! You are someone I would absolutely love to meet one day. Keep killin’ it in Washington and keep doin’ you girl! Thick skin is in!

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