The last couple of weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot. And praying a lot. If you really know me, you know I don’t have the strongest faith in the church. Yes, I do believe in God but I don’t attend church every Sunday like the average Christian should. But I’ve been praying a lot lately. And I’ve opened my Bible more in the past three weeks than I have in my whole life. Two Wednesday’s ago, I opened the Bible to a random page to do a Devo on it. why. I’m not holy or go to church at all. But. I have been reading the bible. I open it randomly and read that page and do a Devo on it. Well that night, I turned to 1 Peter and started reading and, I tell you what, God must have wanted me to feel some sort of way. I read on like I usually did the nights before. Then I got to 1 Peter 4:8, it read, above all, love deeply, even when wrong has been done. Because love will forgive the sins just as the father did. And wow, I had a light moment. And if you know me, you know that I hold grudges like no other. And I’m only gonna come to peace with people if I have forgiven them. Just as Christ does for me. I do stupid stuff every day and I’m lucky enough he forgives me AND loves me through it. This verse applied so much to my life in that moment, and although they were just words on paper, they healed so much hurt I’ve been having lately.
To go on with my Wednesday night thoughts I had, I got to thinking about my faith. When we are little, a lot of us are brought to Sunday School and taught that Jesus died for our sins and he loves us so much and has the ultimate forgiveness. God stands strong for us and we just know we love him and that he is always going to love us. But sometimes we stray from that because we take him for granted because we know he is always there and always will be. I am a prime example of that. We pray when we need things. But if I learned anything these past weeks, it’s that God is always standing strong for me and he’s the one I run back to and know my love for because he’s the rock when I am having a hard time. I may not want to because I don’t have a close relationship with him, but I know he loves me unconditionally. I feel ashamed when I run back to God, because he loves me so much and has given me so much, and I still haven’t given back to him half of what he deserves. It kind of reminds me of parents. We have all been a stupid teenager and done something to hurt our parents in some way, perhaps verbally. But our parents love is unconditional. God’s love blows my mind, he loves so hard and so deeply all of us even when we don’t put him first. It’s almost like he waits for us to realize his love and put him first or make him more of a priority in our lives. If I could do one thing in life right now, I wish I could love like God. I wish people who are special to me could see that I love them unconditionally, even if they hurt me. Because in life, some people are just worth it.
So all in all, I am trying not to doubt in the dark, but sometimes it’s hard. But I know God loves me enough, and he has a plan and I know he’s shown me things for a reason. And also, Harry Potter can relate to the Bible 😉